captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you all here. thank you, thank you, thank you. well, folks, they are calling this the worst flu season in years. i just realized that after i shook hands with everybody in the audience. [ laughter ] here are the signs you may have the flu. this is what it said in the news today. you look weak, you look tired, you feel aches, you feel pain. you can't move, it's like you are playing for the lakers. [ audience oohs ] you know what i'm saying? >> rickey: aw! >> jay: you know what i'm saying? tough love, it's tough love. it's going to help them win. [ laughter ] >> rickey: that's right! that's right. >> jay: in fact, this flu season is so bad, hometown buffet has had to hire extra workers just to clean the sneeze guard. [ light laughter ] ♪ that's how bad it is. this flu season is so bad, charlie sheen is now cutting up lines of sudafed. that's how bad. [ laughter ] ♪ in fact, in beverly hills, many women are so sick, their noses are running and they're just